One of those days..

Today was much like most of my Saturdays. I usually spend the day working 12 to 14 hours making food, greeting customers, sweeping, mopping, and all the other exciting duties that go into the food service industry. I love working with the people at Santino's most of the time but there are times like tonight when I just want to leave and move on to something new and exciting. I have been working at Santino's for five years, I haven't seen a raise in a long time, i'm a hard worker, and I deal from time to time with crap from other co-workers. Today, for instance, there is a girl that I get a long with most of the time but she was busting my balls all day. She was nagging me about how I am not doing this the right way or I need to do this before I do that. I am so over the bossy headstrong bullshit that occurs from her. She is my manager's girlfriend and you can't help but play favorites. She wants to look good in front of her boyfriend/manager so that she can score some brownie points and boost herself up. This in actuality might not be completely the case but it seems like it is. I am so tired of being the nice guy that gets pushed around and taken advantage of. I am tired of being the guy who doesn't get acknowledged for the good he does and is constantly critisized because "I don't do my job a certain, special way". I think I am a non-conformist by heart. I am tired of playing the hamster in the cage who is spinning on the money wheel thinking I can survive on the fast food industry. I am ready for change and a new direction. I am ready for something soon.    

Relationships

I have recently discovered that I have a dilemma. I suck at getting into relationships with girls. What usually occurs in my pursuit is that I become attracted to a girl, I get overly zealous about the future possibilities with that girl, and then disappoint myself because she wasn't everything I thought she would be. I guess I have a perfect image and idea of what I want my future wife to be and I try to make myself think that I will find it in a particular girl. I usually end up disappointed that she wasn't it and get discouraged. I don't know how to just let fate and destiny work together to continue my path in life. I seem to always get in the middle and wonder about when and where it will happen and with who it will be. I really want to find my soul mate but have the fear that I might settle for less than her to satisfy my desire of being with someone and not being alone. I think out of everything in my life, I always seem to overanalyze my thoughts and ideas of love and who I will fall in love with. My biggest fear is that the only product I will receive from my pursuit of love is insanity. 

Church Community

Tonight I had the amazing privelage that I receive every Sunday to be apart of my home church community known as The River. For the first time in quite some time, I felt God. My experience wasn't in being "slain in the spirit" or a warm fuzzy emotional experience but it was an authentic encompassing of God and his rich love for his people. It may seem simple and unextraordinary but tonight after our gathering, we went over to Pastor Sam's house. It seems weird to say "Pastor Sam" because I see him as more of a great friend/mentor than a person in high authority who sets standards impossible for me to grasp. In my background, I am used to pastors who put on one mask and speak the "church" talk while they are in service but then outside of service they are completely different. I have finally found a church that I feel God smiles upon not only in my life but in all the lives involved in The River. Tonight, I saw God in kids laughter and crying as they played and interacted with one another in their pajamas. I saw God in cheerful anticipation of the Arizona Cardinals running down the field for a touchdown.
I felt God in the atmosphere of everyone having harmony with one another rather than dischord. These precious moments in our lives are easily taken for granted. We are learning in our gatherings about being so distracted by the noise in our lives that we ignore what really matters. We allow school, work, and other activities to take priority over so many important things in our lives. If you get the chance, just take a moment to be still and listen to creation outside or the suttle sounds late at night in your house. Take time to breathe in what God is doing around you at any given moment. Be quiet and listen to what God might be trying to instill or communicate to you.