Trapped in the friend zone..

There are so many times when I feel like I can't meet the right girl because of the way I am. It is mind boggling and puzzles me that a girl that I might find myself interested in suddenly drops a romantic interest in me and sees me as a "man pillow" or just a big teddy bear. It never seems to fail that girls simply see me as a great guy but can't see me as a boyfriend or a person to have an intimate relationship with. I always feel stuck like the character in the movie Just Friends. Friends of mine who are girls seem to be able to find a lot of comfort in me as a guy which is awesome but at the same time it sucks because that is all that there is. Part of me is glad that I can be that guy they can come to and be comfortable around but it annoys me when they want to be super flirty and make me think they could have the tiniest interest in me as more than a friend. I have been thinking about this and finally had to sit down at the computer and hash it out over a blog. Don't get me wrong, I love having girls as friends because I can talk to them and get a woman's perspective as well as just caring about them for who they are. I just wish that every now and then a girl would come along that I could date or possibly find myself in a relationship with who could see me as more than friend. A girl who could see me for the person I really am. I have honestly thought before about the concept of being a huge asshole to a girl and see if I would have a better chance of finding a girl that way but that is not who I am. I am not a huge asshole who is into using girls as sexual objects. I am confident that one day I will find that special girl who I will marry and who will complete the other part of me. Until then, I guess I will keep moving on and moving forward and allowing fate and destiny to do its work.

Waiting

I have had a new revelation with the word "waiting". It seems like many times when we say we are going to wait on something, it usually means that we are being lazy and standing by for something to occur. True meaning of "waiting" in our lives should take on the meaning of being patient and being proactive. I don't think that Jesus meant for us to just stand around and wait for Him to return and not work in the process. I have had the mindset of "I'm going to wait for that right girl to come along" but the truth is that if you are not making yourself available, meeting people, or living in a bomb shelter then you shouldn't expect to meet the person you will fall in love with and marry. The principle is the same with anything else in your life. You probably won't get the job promotion if you are "waiting" for it to come your way. You have to work your ass off in the process. You have to have something to show while you are patiently waiting for something to happen/occur in your life. You can't wait(be lazy) and expect everything to be given to you on a silver platter. I think a lot of things in life are about building your patience because of the storms and trials that we must endure and go through. We have to have the soldier's mentality and fight for patience. All of this reminds me of the scene in Forgetting Sarah Marshall when Russell Brand is singing "we've gotta do something" when in actuality he is just singing about other people doing something. We must be the ones proactive in making change occur. Moral of the story is that when you are telling someone that you are waiting, you should make sure that you are active in doing what you think is right and to not stand still and do nothing.

DJ Willy J gig tomorrow night!

I am excited to say the least about my gig at Sluggo's. I will definitely have to update you guys on how the gig goes. I am hoping that this gig will lead to more openings to other paid gigs so that I can pay off my DJ gear. My next endeavor will be to become a mobile operation with all the right gear I need to make my mobile DJing happen. I have an action-packed weekend ahead of me. I have found that two o'clock in the morning has been the only time I can really relax and chill on the computer before the madness ensues. Recently in my life, tragedy has struck a family in Pace. A guy named Caleb Conner passed away due to what is rumored to have been an overdose. It's sad that it happened and his family has to face that tragedy but at the same time he was caught up in a destructive path. A path full of bad decisions that led to him choosing drugs. My prayers and my thoughts go to that family because I feel like they are very God-loving people. Each time someone near to me in some way or fashion passes away, I instantly think about my life and how it would affect my friends and family. I reflect on the way I have lived my life. I think about the idea of "Have I really lived my life the way that Jesus would have wanted me to live it?". Did I shine for Jesus or for myself and my own needs and wants? It reminds me of the passage in the Bible where the man walks by the poor and hungry man and instead of giving him food and shelter, he basically tells the poor man that he will pray for him to find shelter and food. As Christians, we do this very thing all the time. We look at someone in a certain situation and instead of being proactive, we just slide it under the carpet and tell them we will "pray about it". Who could have been there as a brother or sister in Christ to keep Caleb accountable for his actions and the path he was walking down? This is a difficult situation simply because of the fact that we cannot change fate or destiny but we can be there for our brothers and sisters to help them through difficult times. Who knows, someone could have made a difference in Caleb's life or it could have continued in the same type of direction. Please do not think I am placing any kind of judgement on Caleb if he did get caught up in drug-related activities. We all have demons that we deal with. I have things in my life that I am not proud of that could lead me down a destructive path but I am kept grounded by my friends, family, and faith. Just remember that Jesus is there for you and He wants to be there to hold you up and to help you walk away from the chains that bind you in your life.

Music is amazing

I just left a band practice for church with a few of my good friends. I had so much fun tonight because we did some goofing off and just started playing all these songs from back in the day. We played some southern rock and other genres we could think of. My friend Daniel started talking about Blindside and we just sat around and listened to Blindside and then listened to the band Thursday and talked about a few other groups. That would lead to other nostalgic feelings from those times in my life. I instantly thought about old friends I had when those bands were really popular and it made me think of the groups I listened to with those friends. It's amazing how music can bring you to a place in time where you spend time with friends who were close or maybe an old relationship you had with someone. The songs might not necessarily make you think of that person in a bitter or romantic way but it brings you back to that time in your life when you were in high school and spent time with friends growing up and learning about life. I sometimes wish I could go back to those times in my life but then I might not remember it as fondly. I guess it is similar to the concept of going back and watching old TV shows that you watched when you were a little kid. You don't really seem to appreciate it because you can't really relate to it anymore. I can go back and mark a particular phase that I went through with each genre of music. I remember when I began to get into music, I was into the really awful radio rock like Limp Bizkit and Korn. I then met my good friend Jarrod who I have know since middle school who inspired me to start playing the guitar and that led to listening to punk music. I went from Punk to Emo and Emo to Hardcore/Post-hardcore. After Hardcore, it was back to Indie/Emo and then I think from there I started getting into Christian music. When I started working at Santino's and met my good friend Richard, he got me into classic rock and oldies which I kind of wrote off for a long time. I used to think older music was crap because it was so out-of-date. I was so wrong. I realized that all the music I thought was crap is what inspired and gave birth to the music I loved. I think music in a lot of ways has saved me. When I feel depressed or I am going through a hard time, I turn to music. If I want to be inspired, I listen to music. If I want to bring myself back to a place in time, I listen to music. Music is so pure and therapeutic to me. I don't know what we would ever do without music and I don't understand anyone who isn't into music. The world without music would be a very dull place indeed.

I'm so ready for school to be over..

My title of this blog pretty much describes the way I feel. I am not only ready for this semester to be over but for my entire college career to be completed. Part of me is like "I am ready to stop taking tests and writing papers so that I can get out into the real world and make a living". The other part of me is like "What is the rush about? I will have the rest of my life to work so why should I be anxious to get finished up". All I know is that I am not looking forward to waking up early to drive thirty minutes to a nine o'clock class that typically lasts an hour. The good part is that the class is a breeze. I enjoy learning/talking about the different topics in class but I am just ready for school to be finished. I have been really happy this weekend because I had the opportunity to spend time with Georgia. I took her out to TGIF and we talked for a bit. I really enjoyed seeing her quite a bit. She was down from Atlanta and I was very stoked to see her face to face. I really dig her a lot. She is an amazing girl. She's beautiful and funny and just plain awesome. I can't wait to see her at Thanksgiving. On another note, I have come to realize how much my friends and people who know me just generally care about me as a person. I know it's kind of silly to be amazed to have friends that truly care about your well-being but the truth is that I know people who have supposed "friends" who treat them horribly and don't care what happens to them. I just feel so privelaged to be surrounded by amazing friends and people in general. I often forget how lucky I am to be where I am with the people I care about deeply. I am just a lucky guy in general and it's a great thing.

The ending of an election year..

I am so thankful that all of this mudslinging and debating has finally come to an end. I am still not knowing what to think about this election year. I was a bit disappointed that McCain did not win the election but I am happy for those who supported Obama. What irritates me the most is probably the liberal media. I was watching MSNBC last night as Chris Matthews was expressing how he believes that those with "higher education" probably supported/voted for Obama. I really resent that remark simply because I believe myself to be a very intelligent and well-spoken person who leaned in the direction of McCain over Obama. I just find it ironic how Chris Matthews made that comment when Obama spoke specifically to the lower economic class in his speeches which are the ones who are stereotyped for having lower education. I find that many people who didn't really know a whole lot about Obama focused in on the fact that he is new, fresh, African-American, wanting change but didn't really look at how he would deal with terrorist activity or the military in difficult crisis. I have had a hard time following exactly what Obama stands for because I feel like he doesn't want to offend anyone along the way. I honestly think that what hurt McCain the most was the fact that he had an inexperienced running mate that didn't really compliment what he wanted to do with his campaign. I also find it interesting how McCain supposedly made "unfair attacks" on Obama when pretty much every news network except for Fox News was making low blows for the Obama campaign. You have people like Rachel Maddow, Keith Olbermann, and other anchors spewing out awful things in the media and Obama just sits pretty and isn't blamed for anything. Much of this is simply my political venting over this election. I am hoping and praying that Obama is prepared to move us in a brand new direction that will help America to have a bright future. I'm not going to do anything like move to Canada or do anything drastic. I still think we are the best country on the planet and I am proud to be an American. I just trust that whoever is elected president will lead our country in the best way possible.