Trapped in the friend zone..

There are so many times when I feel like I can't meet the right girl because of the way I am. It is mind boggling and puzzles me that a girl that I might find myself interested in suddenly drops a romantic interest in me and sees me as a "man pillow" or just a big teddy bear. It never seems to fail that girls simply see me as a great guy but can't see me as a boyfriend or a person to have an intimate relationship with. I always feel stuck like the character in the movie Just Friends. Friends of mine who are girls seem to be able to find a lot of comfort in me as a guy which is awesome but at the same time it sucks because that is all that there is. Part of me is glad that I can be that guy they can come to and be comfortable around but it annoys me when they want to be super flirty and make me think they could have the tiniest interest in me as more than a friend. I have been thinking about this and finally had to sit down at the computer and hash it out over a blog. Don't get me wrong, I love having girls as friends because I can talk to them and get a woman's perspective as well as just caring about them for who they are. I just wish that every now and then a girl would come along that I could date or possibly find myself in a relationship with who could see me as more than friend. A girl who could see me for the person I really am. I have honestly thought before about the concept of being a huge asshole to a girl and see if I would have a better chance of finding a girl that way but that is not who I am. I am not a huge asshole who is into using girls as sexual objects. I am confident that one day I will find that special girl who I will marry and who will complete the other part of me. Until then, I guess I will keep moving on and moving forward and allowing fate and destiny to do its work.

Waiting

I have had a new revelation with the word "waiting". It seems like many times when we say we are going to wait on something, it usually means that we are being lazy and standing by for something to occur. True meaning of "waiting" in our lives should take on the meaning of being patient and being proactive. I don't think that Jesus meant for us to just stand around and wait for Him to return and not work in the process. I have had the mindset of "I'm going to wait for that right girl to come along" but the truth is that if you are not making yourself available, meeting people, or living in a bomb shelter then you shouldn't expect to meet the person you will fall in love with and marry. The principle is the same with anything else in your life. You probably won't get the job promotion if you are "waiting" for it to come your way. You have to work your ass off in the process. You have to have something to show while you are patiently waiting for something to happen/occur in your life. You can't wait(be lazy) and expect everything to be given to you on a silver platter. I think a lot of things in life are about building your patience because of the storms and trials that we must endure and go through. We have to have the soldier's mentality and fight for patience. All of this reminds me of the scene in Forgetting Sarah Marshall when Russell Brand is singing "we've gotta do something" when in actuality he is just singing about other people doing something. We must be the ones proactive in making change occur. Moral of the story is that when you are telling someone that you are waiting, you should make sure that you are active in doing what you think is right and to not stand still and do nothing.

DJ Willy J gig tomorrow night!

I am excited to say the least about my gig at Sluggo's. I will definitely have to update you guys on how the gig goes. I am hoping that this gig will lead to more openings to other paid gigs so that I can pay off my DJ gear. My next endeavor will be to become a mobile operation with all the right gear I need to make my mobile DJing happen. I have an action-packed weekend ahead of me. I have found that two o'clock in the morning has been the only time I can really relax and chill on the computer before the madness ensues. Recently in my life, tragedy has struck a family in Pace. A guy named Caleb Conner passed away due to what is rumored to have been an overdose. It's sad that it happened and his family has to face that tragedy but at the same time he was caught up in a destructive path. A path full of bad decisions that led to him choosing drugs. My prayers and my thoughts go to that family because I feel like they are very God-loving people. Each time someone near to me in some way or fashion passes away, I instantly think about my life and how it would affect my friends and family. I reflect on the way I have lived my life. I think about the idea of "Have I really lived my life the way that Jesus would have wanted me to live it?". Did I shine for Jesus or for myself and my own needs and wants? It reminds me of the passage in the Bible where the man walks by the poor and hungry man and instead of giving him food and shelter, he basically tells the poor man that he will pray for him to find shelter and food. As Christians, we do this very thing all the time. We look at someone in a certain situation and instead of being proactive, we just slide it under the carpet and tell them we will "pray about it". Who could have been there as a brother or sister in Christ to keep Caleb accountable for his actions and the path he was walking down? This is a difficult situation simply because of the fact that we cannot change fate or destiny but we can be there for our brothers and sisters to help them through difficult times. Who knows, someone could have made a difference in Caleb's life or it could have continued in the same type of direction. Please do not think I am placing any kind of judgement on Caleb if he did get caught up in drug-related activities. We all have demons that we deal with. I have things in my life that I am not proud of that could lead me down a destructive path but I am kept grounded by my friends, family, and faith. Just remember that Jesus is there for you and He wants to be there to hold you up and to help you walk away from the chains that bind you in your life.

Music is amazing

I just left a band practice for church with a few of my good friends. I had so much fun tonight because we did some goofing off and just started playing all these songs from back in the day. We played some southern rock and other genres we could think of. My friend Daniel started talking about Blindside and we just sat around and listened to Blindside and then listened to the band Thursday and talked about a few other groups. That would lead to other nostalgic feelings from those times in my life. I instantly thought about old friends I had when those bands were really popular and it made me think of the groups I listened to with those friends. It's amazing how music can bring you to a place in time where you spend time with friends who were close or maybe an old relationship you had with someone. The songs might not necessarily make you think of that person in a bitter or romantic way but it brings you back to that time in your life when you were in high school and spent time with friends growing up and learning about life. I sometimes wish I could go back to those times in my life but then I might not remember it as fondly. I guess it is similar to the concept of going back and watching old TV shows that you watched when you were a little kid. You don't really seem to appreciate it because you can't really relate to it anymore. I can go back and mark a particular phase that I went through with each genre of music. I remember when I began to get into music, I was into the really awful radio rock like Limp Bizkit and Korn. I then met my good friend Jarrod who I have know since middle school who inspired me to start playing the guitar and that led to listening to punk music. I went from Punk to Emo and Emo to Hardcore/Post-hardcore. After Hardcore, it was back to Indie/Emo and then I think from there I started getting into Christian music. When I started working at Santino's and met my good friend Richard, he got me into classic rock and oldies which I kind of wrote off for a long time. I used to think older music was crap because it was so out-of-date. I was so wrong. I realized that all the music I thought was crap is what inspired and gave birth to the music I loved. I think music in a lot of ways has saved me. When I feel depressed or I am going through a hard time, I turn to music. If I want to be inspired, I listen to music. If I want to bring myself back to a place in time, I listen to music. Music is so pure and therapeutic to me. I don't know what we would ever do without music and I don't understand anyone who isn't into music. The world without music would be a very dull place indeed.

I'm so ready for school to be over..

My title of this blog pretty much describes the way I feel. I am not only ready for this semester to be over but for my entire college career to be completed. Part of me is like "I am ready to stop taking tests and writing papers so that I can get out into the real world and make a living". The other part of me is like "What is the rush about? I will have the rest of my life to work so why should I be anxious to get finished up". All I know is that I am not looking forward to waking up early to drive thirty minutes to a nine o'clock class that typically lasts an hour. The good part is that the class is a breeze. I enjoy learning/talking about the different topics in class but I am just ready for school to be finished. I have been really happy this weekend because I had the opportunity to spend time with Georgia. I took her out to TGIF and we talked for a bit. I really enjoyed seeing her quite a bit. She was down from Atlanta and I was very stoked to see her face to face. I really dig her a lot. She is an amazing girl. She's beautiful and funny and just plain awesome. I can't wait to see her at Thanksgiving. On another note, I have come to realize how much my friends and people who know me just generally care about me as a person. I know it's kind of silly to be amazed to have friends that truly care about your well-being but the truth is that I know people who have supposed "friends" who treat them horribly and don't care what happens to them. I just feel so privelaged to be surrounded by amazing friends and people in general. I often forget how lucky I am to be where I am with the people I care about deeply. I am just a lucky guy in general and it's a great thing.

The ending of an election year..

I am so thankful that all of this mudslinging and debating has finally come to an end. I am still not knowing what to think about this election year. I was a bit disappointed that McCain did not win the election but I am happy for those who supported Obama. What irritates me the most is probably the liberal media. I was watching MSNBC last night as Chris Matthews was expressing how he believes that those with "higher education" probably supported/voted for Obama. I really resent that remark simply because I believe myself to be a very intelligent and well-spoken person who leaned in the direction of McCain over Obama. I just find it ironic how Chris Matthews made that comment when Obama spoke specifically to the lower economic class in his speeches which are the ones who are stereotyped for having lower education. I find that many people who didn't really know a whole lot about Obama focused in on the fact that he is new, fresh, African-American, wanting change but didn't really look at how he would deal with terrorist activity or the military in difficult crisis. I have had a hard time following exactly what Obama stands for because I feel like he doesn't want to offend anyone along the way. I honestly think that what hurt McCain the most was the fact that he had an inexperienced running mate that didn't really compliment what he wanted to do with his campaign. I also find it interesting how McCain supposedly made "unfair attacks" on Obama when pretty much every news network except for Fox News was making low blows for the Obama campaign. You have people like Rachel Maddow, Keith Olbermann, and other anchors spewing out awful things in the media and Obama just sits pretty and isn't blamed for anything. Much of this is simply my political venting over this election. I am hoping and praying that Obama is prepared to move us in a brand new direction that will help America to have a bright future. I'm not going to do anything like move to Canada or do anything drastic. I still think we are the best country on the planet and I am proud to be an American. I just trust that whoever is elected president will lead our country in the best way possible.

My life so far these past few weeks..

How is everyone? I'm doing very well actually. I am quite tired from a night of pizza making and trying to make customers happy. The restraunt(sp?) business can be very wearing on a person. As much as I love the people I work with, I will be happy when the day comes that I can work in my actual field of study. Since I last spoke with you all, I received the opportunity to DJ a halloween dance party which was awesome. I had a whole lot of fun. The best part was the fact that everyone really enjoyed the music I played. I tried my best to roll with the vibe and feed off of their energy and it was a beautiful thing. I like when you learn through your experiences whether they are good or bad. I have also started "talking" with an old friend of mine. To give all of you guys a glimpse of how all this started, I will start from the beginning. One day, I was driving down the road in Pace and was almost positive that I saw my friend riding in the passenger side of her friends car. I message her on facebook and tell her that I thought that I had seen her in a car and was wondering if she was in town. She messages me back to tell me that she is in Atlanta and not in Pace. She begins to reveal to me that she had a difficult time seeing my message because she had to walk away from her computer to collect her thoughts and tears. She tells me that out of all the guys she has known over the years, I have stuck out to her the most and continues to pour her heart out. I find this to be an awesome thing because she is truly an amazing girl. We have been trying to work towards figuring out what is best in this situation. I admire her for pouring out her heart to me and just getting everything out. I'm hoping that something might come out of it that would be in the direction of relationship but it is difficult to tell at the moment. It's hard when she lives 5 hours away and I can't get up and leave to go be with her and visit her. I think the best thing right now is to take it slow and easy. Let whatever happens happen. These type of situations cannot be forced. She has always been an amazing friend that I can talk to about music or whatever. She makes me laugh which I can't say about a lot of girls I know. She has such a free spirit about her and she doesn't try to be anything except for herself. I admire such genuiness. I will update you all later on that situation. I also had my birthday yesterday which makes me 23 years of age. I am excited but at the same time getting the realization that I am just continuing to grow older. When you were little, you got excited about birthdays because you got cake and presents and a big birthday gift. Now that I am older, I realize it is less about the flashiness but more about realizing you are growing old. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy growing older because I can reflect on where I was and where I am today and who I have grown to be. I also enjoyed getting the opportunity to just hang out with my friends. I really don't like any kind of attention brought to me especially with birthdays but I liked that people recognized it and wanted to spend time with me. I had an awesome birthday get together with the people I love. I guess that is all I have at this time. I will see you guys again when the next chapter of my life shall unfold. Take care!

More of the politics..

The beautiful topic of politics came up tonight around the dinner table with a few of my close friends. I really don't care much for talking politics with people because it is the type of discussion that no one really wins and everyone walks away pissed off generally. I can appreciate the fact that everyone is passionate about the views of their political parties but it bothers me when it gets to the point of thinking that you are more intelligent than the person you disagree with. I am most likely voting republican this year not necessarily because of John McCain or Sarah Palin but because the views of the republican party is what I feel more passionate about than the side of the democrats. I have a very moderate view because of a lot of issues in which I can see both sides of the argument. The issue of gay rights and the legalization of gay marriage is fine with me. I think everyone should have the same rights as everyone else in this country. We are living a lie if we deny someone rights if we are supposed to be a country of "everyone is equal". I feel like a huge part of why I am voting republican this election is the fact that I cannot ignore the sanctity of human life. I believe in most cases that it is wrong except for cases like rape, incest, and situations where the mother could potentially die. I feel that no one has the right to use abortion as birth control. If you are fifteen and choose to have sex with your boyfriend and aren't protecting yourself then you should be responsible enough to take care of a baby. To me, it is similar to drunk driving. If you are going to be irresponsible and drive in a condition where you could potentially take the life of another, I think that you should have to face the consequences of your actions. I simply cannot vote for a party who feels that in most cases abortion is the right thing to do. One area that I feel the republicans need to be more responsible is the environment. We cannot continue letting our planet become more and more polluted and allow the climate changes to create even more problems. This doesn't just pertain to the United States but all countries around the world. We need to find other solutions to oil because I feel like we are trying to use oil until it is gone and then later on we will think about alternative fuel which is very irresponsible. I feel like we should be able to bear arms but we should have extreme laws on background checks and raise the age limit to be able to purchase a weapon. I think everyone is entitled to the views that they have. I only wish that people would be more considerate about the views of others. I feel like there are very intelligent people on both sides of the political spectrum. I detest the feeling of condescension which makes me wish that people would be more considerate of another person's view.

The stance on gay marriage

Something that I have been thinking much about lately is the whole gay marriage debate. A few years ago, had you asked me about what my stance was then I would tell you that it was straight up wrong and that it shouldn't happen. It has been a struggle to find a view on it but I have become more moderate in my political views as time passes by. I know that in the Bible, they see the act of homosexuality being sin and an abomination but I just can't see why it is seen as such a black and white issue. I know many of my brothers and sisters in the Christian community turn their nose up and say that homosexuals "choose" to be that way. I just don't understand this because in my case being straight, I have always been attracted to girls. I haven't had a time in my life when I have woken up and thought "I really want to get all over a guy today". This posing another question, if what I believe is that homosexuals are born the way they are then why is it written through prophets by God that it is an abomination to act this way. I see it being the same principle as someone who is mentally retarded. If the Bible said it was sin to be born mentally retarded, would we stop trying to reach out to the mentally retarded community and stop being Christ-like to them. If you are homosexual and reading this please do not think that I am trying to compare you to a mentally retarded person. All I am saying is that it is a similar principle when you look at the biology as far as the way it affects the way we are. I think that regardless of your beliefs or the way you live your life, I don't think the government should tell you who you can fall in love with or be with legally. People who are gay as well as any other person are just trying to be happy and live a happy life being with the person they love. It is sad in the Christian community when we just judge and make decisions without even thinking about it beneath the surface. We only want to take issues at face value. People have this mindset that since we are different then it means that I can't relate to you which is bullshit. Everyone can relate and love one another but we just keep allowing religion and politics to dictate and cause division. We are all brothers and sisters but we don't act like it a lot of times. All you need is love and God equals love so let's spread some God around(sorry, that was really corny and I am probably going to get ragged by Sam Crum about it being a church marquee(sp?)). In all seriousness, let's stop hating and start loving. Is it really that difficult?

The secular and the sacred

I have been meaning to blog for a while on the subject of Christian versus secular music. The River had a discussion on this a while back which relieved much of my skeptism from the past. At one point in my life, I thought that if I only listened to Christian music then it would ultimately lead me closer to God. I think many Christians get caught up in this idea that if we "behave" ourselves and not do certain things that the "church" frowns upon then we will be alright in God's sight. In the scriptures, this concept is irrelevant because it is not about what we do but it is about our faith and walk with God. It isn't about works. What I find interesting is the fact that many people in the church don't want you to listen to certain styles of music. This simple fact bothers me because you can take inspiration from any type of music and use it for God's glory. The church people want to tell you "Don't listen to Backstreet Boy. Listen to Plus One". I find it entertaining that people in the church do not want you to listen to one group that sounds just like another but the only difference is that one is CCM(Christian Contemporary Music) and the other is "secular". Please don't misunderstand me when I speak down about Christian Contemporary Music. I am a worship leader and I love to play worship music. I get irritated when people tell me I shouldn't/can't listen to a certain genre of music. I am more inspired by music that isn't written in the CCM realm most of the time. If you take the group U2 for example, you will see that they write very spiritual lyrics but many people who are in the charismatic or fundamental realm say that it is secular and shouldn't be listened to. The funny part of it all is that U2 has had the biggest impact on CCM music out of any other group in pop music. If you listen to casting crowns, hillsong united, delirious, and many other groups; you will see direct correlation stylistically in the playing. Something else I find humorous is the people who get mad when Christian artists "sell out". Suddenly if an artist goes from being under the Christian label to a secular label, they supposedly are no longer living for God even if nothing has really changed in the way they write their music. These are simply my frustrations and thoughts on the concept of Christian and secular music.

Thank the Lord for Whataburger.. I think

I am up pretty late tonight and was having a craving for some food. I walked around my house in search of some "yummy for my tummy" but was unsuccessful. I had the immediate thought "I will just go up to Whataburger!". That was a very bad idea. I fell victim to the whatasized Patty Melt meal. If any of you have ever had this, it is basically a double pattied burger with onions and melt sauce and it is full of grease. You can feel your arteries being clogged and your heart shutting down as you eat it. The woman asked me if I wanted it whatasized which was a very bad idea. The lady hands me a 44 oz cup of Dr. Pepper to go with my meal. Who drinks 44 oz. of soda in one sitting? It's ridiculous. I tried to look up how many calories I just induced into my body but was unsuccessful. On second thought, I don't think I want to know what just went into my body.

Some of my views on politics..

As much as I would like to get interested in politics, I always seem to find myself getting irritated with it. It seems like much of the time these politicians are like bad used car salesman. You can never get the straight and narrow from the news media. There is always a slant somewhere for the Democrats and the Republicans. I have thought long and hard about both candidates who are running this year and I have been leaning more towards McCain. Not necessarily for the person who is running but for the views I am passionate about. Many people have been downing McCain saying that he is going to be "more of the same". Just because a candidate shares a lot of views with someone else doesn't mean that they aren't going to have better leadership skills or that they aren't going to be more qualified for the position. I personally like Obama but I am questioning whether he would be prepared to take on the position of being a great president. Honestly, whoever can lead the country most efficiently is the person who will earn my vote this coming election. I just think that when you are voting this year, you should really look at what that party or person stands for. I want unborn children to have the right to have sanctity of life even though at this moment the Republicans have not acted on shutting down abortion. On the democratic or moderate side of me, I don't see anything wrong with two gay people being together. I think that if two people want to be together in a relationship, they should have the right to do so. Who are we to judge what "marriage" is. We, the people, are who defines marriage by opinion. My idea of marriage is that I will find a the woman I love and be with her for the rest of my life. For some people, marriage is finding someone you care about and then getting a divorce after a few years. I think if you preach equal rights but you deny gay people of their civil unions then you are just being a hypocritical. The whole issue on gun control is something that I have been dealing with. I agree that in most cases "guns do not kill people but people kill people". If we abolished guns, people who really wanted to murder would find ways to get ahold of firearms. It is just like the concept of drugs in America. Just because we have laws that tell people it is illegal doesn't mean that people aren't using them all around the United States. There are a lot of people who are passionate about guns who do not use them for harming others. Should we take away their passion for guns because we feel that certain people abuse the ability to possess a weapon. Criminals are still going to find ways to harm people. If we take away guns, we will more than likely see more stabbings or other types of mischief. Those are simply some of my political views which I possess. I guess it is just my perspective.

So much to do..

Today was my first day as a soccer coach for a U8 soccer team and it was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed working with the kids and showing them valuable skills that they will be able to use to play soccer. I also had practice tonight at The River which was really productive but fun at the same time. Daniel, Hale, Jason, and I jammed out tunes such as "Chick Magnet", "Santa Monica", and " Joker" to name a few. It made me want to be in a jam band for a moment. I just got home not too long ago and had to e-mail all my soccer parents to give them the downlow on all the soccer info. Being a soccer coach has made me much more organized and task oriented which is a good thing. I think having a chaotic life right now makes me have no other choice but to be organized and responsible. I am currently taking two classes at PJC on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I work Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. I have math tutoring on Tuesdays. I have soccer practice and River Rats practice on Thursdays. I have games that I am coaching on Saturday mornings. I lead worship for one church on Sunday morning and come home to sleep for a couple hours to be practicing at another church right after a nap. I have a hectic life at the moment but I believe I can get through it all. It seems like a neverending cycle but it will be over soon enough. I am just excited about being done with PJC. Next semester will be my last semester and then I am off to UWF to take classes I genuinely care about. That's my life so far at this moment in time. I will update you all on my next blog!

It's so late and I have to be up so early..

How is everyone doing? I am doing pretty swell. I am not able to sleep though because my sleep schedule has been so messed up. It's all good though. I have some recent news on my girl situation. I am really bummed but I don't feel like at this moment and time she wants to be more than a friend. Even though I feel like she is an incredible girl, I know that I have to wait and see what happens. Maybe there will be a time later when things might work out in the direction of a possible relationship but right now I am getting the friends zone vibe. I find myself constantly having a weakness to girls who get very comfortable around and become very flirty. I usually take that as signs of a possible connection with that person when in actuality it is just them being "friendly". It sucks because just a moment ago I was watching a movie and trying to go to sleep and I automatically thought back to the ride home from Orlando when we were cuddling and everything was incredible. We were so close in my memory but now we are so far away. I guess I just gotta be strong and let nature take its course. She might be the right girl or there might be another girl who will come along who is perfect for me. Only time will tell. On a lighter note, I am pretty pumped about this semester. I am one step closer to leaving PJC with my two year degree. I am also super excited about being a soccer coach. I am praying to God that the parents of my kids are awesome. I am really concerned also about being a good coach to the little kids. I want to be able to provide them with the proper way to play the game and have fun with it. I think everything will work out and be amazing though.

Update from the previous blog

How is everyone out there? Well, I have more to update you on with my situation. The girl I work with who I really care about is going through a lot with her good friend being involved with her ex-boyfriend. It's a fun(heavy sarcasm), little dramatic love triangle going on. Part of me thinks "well, who cares. You both are done, now is the time to move on with other relationships." and another part of me is "That's messed up because your really good friend never really came to you and asked if it would bother you to date the ex-boyfriend". I personally feel that on the ex-boyfriend's behalf that it is a down grade. The friend is a good girl but I don't really feel like they go together. Meanwhile, I am on the outside caring a lot for the ex-girlfriend who doesn't really want a relationship right now. It is never awesome to be the person who would do anything for the other person that doesn't really feel that way. Her body language has told me that she may not be interested in me but I am just going to continue to be there for her like a good friend should. Who knows, maybe she could be the right girl later on down the road or maybe there is another girl out there who more compatible and feels the same. I felt like there was a spark on the trip but maybe I was mistaken. Maybe the spark is a precursor of things to come. Who really knows what the future will hold. All I can do is go with the flow and see what happens. This situation at the moment reminds of that song "I can't make you love me". I have been listening to way too much soft rock at work. I will update you all on what happens. Take care!

A night out on the town..

Today has been an adventurous day. I woke up around noon time and lounged in bed. I then watched a little tube and took a shower. Work tonight was pretty hectic because we have a brand new guy and there were only two other people besides me working. After work, I drove downtown to Seville Quarter. I was saddened to see that my friend Carter was not DJing but it was all good. I saw my good buddy James and Garrett and hung with them for awhile. As you know from a previous blog, I have been falling for a girl I work with who was there at Seville dancing with her friends. I have felt different ways for different girls but she is different. I could have talked to other girls but I just didn't have any desire to. She is the one I am after. She is the one I think is awesome and amazing. The sad part of it all is that I feel some kind of loyalty to her. Even though we are not in a relationship, I don't really have the desire to have my eyes on any girl except for her. Sometimes I feel like we could be more than friends and then other times I get the vibe that we are back to the same old same. Everything within me wants to tell her how I feel about her. How I think she is amazing and incredible. I feel like if I do tell her, I will only freak how out. I want to send her sweet texts and call her all the time but I have to hold myself back because I don't want her to not be comfortable with me. Another thing that is different about her is that I start singing sappy love songs. These random songs pop in my head when I think about her. I catch myself singing Savage Garden and Backstreet Boys. I am like "WTF". Why the heck am I singing "I want to stand with you on a mountain and bathe with you in the sea". I guess I am just a hopeless romantic. When I care about someone, I feel like I put all my energy into that person. I find it odd that usually when I am attracted to someone, I often still notice other pretty girls. With her, she is the only one my eyes want to look at. She captivates me. Now I am thinking of the song "I only have eyes for you..". I am a mess. On another note, I can't wait till I can start DJing. The party this Saturday is going to the bomb-diggity. I hope people will dance and have an awesome time. I will update you all later with the girl situation. Take care!

Another day in the life of Willy J..

I just got back from Orlando on Wednesday and had a lot of fun. I went down to Universal Studios/Islands of Adventure with some friends from work and it was a blast. While I was there, I managed to get close to a friend of mine. She is an incredible and amazing girl who I have been thinking about a lot lately. We were really affectionate toward one another but I just am not sure if she feels the same way I do. Another situation that sucks is that I am really good friends with her ex-boyfriend so if anything were to happen then that might be awkward. For some reason, I do not feel as though it would because things seem to be good between the two of them. I just think she has amazing qualities. She is probably the sweetest girl I know. She is gorgeous, super intelligient, caring, and the list goes on. I loved running my hands through her soft hair and watching her as she slept on my pillow. She looked so peaceful and angelic. I really enjoyed being around her and being in her embrace. My main concern is how she feels about me though. I don't know if she sees me as a romantic possibility or she just enjoys having me there as a guy friend who she can feel safe around. Another thing that is important to me is that if we were to date, I would want her parents to know that I would treat her like gold. I would cherish her. I would never want to mistreat her in anyway. It's odd but I just can't really describe how I feel about her. Words seem to fall short. It's a descriptive injustice is what it is. I guess the only thing I can do is go with the flow and continue examining if there is anything there. Right now has been sucking pretty bad because I want to get it out and let her know but I just don't want to freak her out if she doesn't feel the same way. I have learned that I shouldn't really worry too much because everything will work itself out. I just hope that there is a possible future between the two of us. All I can do is wait and find out.

Life and its financial whoas...

Lately, I have been attacked on all sides by financial issues. I just found out recently that I have a 1400 dollar repair to make on my car. I also must make payments toward my parents since they bought my car for me which is about six thousand dollars. I also want to start up a DJing business on the side which is going to be more money for gear to do weddings, parties, clubs, and dances. In the mean time, I am working my butt off to pay everything. I am supposed to be moving out in about a year from my parents casa. I am excited but at the same time kind of frightened. I am excited by the fact that I will hopefully have some rad roommates who can help me make rent and that I will be able to hang out with. I would love to be able to have friends stay over and hang out whenever. I would love to have a place where my friends can just come over and feel at home. The downside to having your own place is the responsibility and bills that come along with it. You really have to maintain your house and keep it in pristine condition. Although everything has been happening all at once, I feel like I am moving in a good direction. I am learning a lot about life very quickly and becoming more knowledgeable(sp?) about how to deal with those situations when they arise. What bothers me is when I see so many of my friends who have been handed a lot in life. They don't have to worry about having enough money for their bills or food. Mother and father will always come to their rescue. When parents do that to their children, it isn't teaching them life lessons. A wonderful analogy of this scenario would be if you saw a child inside a round, inflatable tire in a swimming pool. If you saw them ten or fifteen years later in the same floating device, you would find it absurd too. You would ask yourself, "Why haven't they learned how to swim on their own?". Parents have to let their children stumble before they can walk steadily. If you think about it, their early decisions will help them to transition as a responsible adult and know that they must make better decisions. I appreciate my parents for doing enough to not let me take my life for granted. I am very blessed to have a really good automobile and to have my college taken care of so I can have a better life for myself and my future family. I am very fortunate to have parents who want me to be able to function and transition into a well-adjusted young adult.

What the church is missing..

I have been very fortunate in being part of an amazing church community known as The River. Ever since I started going to the services, I have really felt what God wants me to do in my life. I feel as though I have finally found a church that understands what God is doing and how he wants to use us in everyday life. Never before have I felt like I was part of a church community in my life. After that brief introduction which was borderline rabbit trail, I feel like the church is missing their calling to be a community. Many churches can welcome you with a "How ya doin' this mornin' brother?" and you respond with "Well, I just lost my job, I have rent due next week, I just lost my grandmother, and times are really tough for my family". A likely response might be "Well brother, we can praise the Lord and pray for ya". Praying is an awesome thing but I think we are missing the point when we don't do the obvious things to help a brother or sister out. We need to be there for our brothers and sisters. We need to help them if they need financial help, give them shelter if they need it, put clothes on them if they need it, and give them food if they are hungry. The church today gets so self-centered because we are self-centered. We will agree with Bono that they need to do something about AIDS in Africa but will we actually do anything besides agree and say yes all the time. If everyone put as much time and energy into how much they think about themselves and placed it on less fortunate individuals, we would see the world radically change. People are so set in their ways. The reason I can rant and rave about this is because I go through this same junk. When I see something on TV or on the street, I automatically think "Man, I would kill for that car" or "Geez, I wish I had a cell phone like his". We drool and spend so much time envying others who have "stuff" when we just need to look at ourselves and understand that we have everything we need. I was thinking about how funny it is that most people who think they are poor really have no clue. If you are able to scrape up enough change to go drive down to a McDonalds or some other fast food joint, you have so much more money than most people around the world. I guess the moral to my blog is that we need a change in our hearts to change this world. The world can be a much better place if we took our eyes of our problems and dilemmas and focused on others. We would see the church transform if the people would take on the mindset of Christ in giving and caring for others.  

Have Christians completely missed the point?

By the title of my blog, you might be thinking "What is wrong with being a Christian?" or "What is wrong with Christianity?". There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a Christian. I am a Christian myself but I feel that many of my brothers and sisters have completely missed the point in the teachings of Jesus. Jesus says to love your neighbor but we still have discrimination against women, we have intolerance against those with different sexual lifestyles, we have thoughts of racism pulsing through our veins when we see someone of a different skin color. I recently began listening to a preacher by the name of Rob Bell. Many people who are more accustomed to the fundamentalist teachings are absolutely appalled by the points that he makes. I was on Youtube the other day watching a NOOMA video that he made. The video basically expressed that maybe the bull horn approach isn't really working. Rob was referring to those who preach on the street corners and inform everyone "You are going to Hell! Repent!". First of all, who are they and what gives them the right to tell someone else what their eternal destination will be. If anything, I feel that approach is leading more people astray from Jesus rather than drawing people unto God. The fundamentalists have this notion that if you aren't telling someone to "turn or burn", you are denying them of the truth.I wish people would just stop with the scare tactics and love one another. There are times when I wonder if Jesus looks down upon us and says "They aren't acting any different from the Pharisees". In case you aren't familiar with the Pharisees, they were the religious people of the time who did not agree with what Jesus was preaching. The Pharisees were responsible for the capture of Jesus which led to His crucifixion. They didn't understand the significance of who Christ was but knew he was a powerful force in leading people in his teachings. I was talking with a good friend of mine who is working on his masters in divinity at Vanderbilt. He was telling me as he met people of different religions that most of them thought that Jesus was a good teacher and was very effective in what He did. Can you imagine a Christian saying that Muhammad had good teachings? We can be so arrogant in thinking that we are so much better than those of other religions and cultures. It just makes me sick that we constantly cause division because we think we are better or "have it right".  I guess the main point I am getting at is that we should be accepting of those who are different. Love others no matter what they have done or who they are. This is what Christ did and expects us to do as we live for Him.